I realize that my irregular posting means that you haven’t really been updated on my going ons as of late. So, short(ish) recap:
•I had my last online therapy session scheduled for the day after the election.
•I did not make that appointment.
•Instead, I hibernated in a cocoon of sadness and disbelief.
•Attempts to reschedule were made but ultimately unsuccessful.
•By the end of November I was discharged.
•Thanksgiving through Christmas found me with a reprieve from the constant illness I’d dealt with since moving back to Colorado at the end of July. (Infection followed by infection followed by incessant cough)
•Days before New Years I came down with the Flu and ended up more physically sick than I’ve ever been. It lasted for about a week and a half.
•January was largely spent trying, and mostly failing, to convince myself to leave the house. Exhaustion, plus a newfound fear of getting sick again, kept me tucked behind my bedroom door most days.
•February brought several accumulating circumstances that made us finally take the step of finding a local therapist and setting up appointments for a week after Valentines.
So yeah, a lot has been going on over here.
Honestly, I felt pretty disheartened when I was discharged from the online therapy program. I wasn’t back to my old self by any means, and felt like I had failed myself when that program didn’t fix my issues. (Silly since I knew from the start that it was just the first of many steps)
The truth is that that program would have been a great help at the start of my crisis, but wasn’t enough to budge almost two years of serious struggles like mine. You don’t use a snow shovel to clear an avalanche, after all.
If you suspect you’re falling into a mental health crisis please seek help sooner rather than later. I wish I had. It’s easier for others to help pull you out of the hole if you’re not already neck deep. If you have access to health care take the time to find out what type of mental health care is covered. If any care is accessible, make the call (or get someone to help you) and attend the appointment, no matter how terrifying. It might help and anything is worth trying when you’re suffering.
At least that’s what I’ll be telling myself for the next week and a half as I await my own appointment. In the meantime I hope to share a post about selfcare and a post about why I wish marriage counseling was covered by our Medicaid providers.
I hope you hear from me soon!
As always, Be Well.